Fourteen years ago this morning, I was sobbing.
My eyes and nose were leaking in the most unfortunate of ways.
Not a cute, I'm nervous and getting married cry.
A snot dripping, tears streaming, body shaking and mascara running messy sob.
I was standing on the ledge of a mountain surrounded by the beauty of nature and having this little melt down in front of 40 of our family members and closest friends.
We were in the middle of our wedding.
I was scared shitless.
Excited beyond words.
But so very mixed-up.
I was not fearing marriage.
But all that I may be passing by. All of the loss. All of the unknown.
B stood there beside me. Holding me. Not having to say a thing.
With his presence I knew that this unknown I(we) was embarking on would be okay.
I wanted to be a part of it. I was excited for the journey.
I was Terrified! Yes, with a capital T
This is what I knew;
- The love B gave was extraordinary (and still is, I might add)
- I wanted no other
- Things would work themselves out
- B was my dream of a man
- With B, I felt safe, loved and secure in myself
So, why the gut wrenching tears?
Perhaps a healthy system of checks and balances for my brain?
I'm still not exactly sure.
This is what I know now;
- 14 years later the love B gives to me and to our children is still extraordinary
- I still want no other
- Relationships require more work than I ever imagined
- I could have NOT asked for a better father for my children
- I still freak about all the what could haves, but now its only in my head
- Most, if not all, of the things I feared missing out on are going to be even better to experience with a little age and wisdom under my belt, instead of psychedelics
- B keeps getting sexier
- Having kids at a younger age turned out just fine
- I want to grow all old and wrinkled with B, sit on the porch, reminisce and drink good beer
- There is not a right way to do marriage...we found what works and rolled with it
- I am not always right (sneezecoughbullshit)
- Fighting is okay, as long as resolution follows
- Insight without action is useless
- To have a partner, for me, is better than not
- Living with other humans is hard
- Communication is imperative
- Love does not conquer all - but hard fucking work and sheer determination helps. A lot.
- I am one lucky woman
Happy Anniversary B. I love you.
You still make butterfly's dance in my stomach.
When you kiss me, I melt.
Our two kidders are very lucky to have you as their Daddy.
You can make the most unpleasant, fun.
Things you have shown me to appreciate; (in no special order)
* Onions, raw
* Hottest of hot sauces
* Riding motorcycles (even when I refuse to ride behind, and insist on my own)
* Sunsets and sunrises
* Hard work
* Beer :)
* Good food
* Mountain biking
* Rock climbing
* Being outside, digging into nature and loving all of it, ticks and all
* Wonders of homemade sauce
* Importance of wilderness and the freedom the mountains bring
* Love can be hard but oh so worth working for......hello, 14 years!!!!
* Drunks suck
* Nothing worth having comes easy (damn)
* Skiing in the deep powder is the bomb
* The kids joined our lives, we didn't join theirs....lets keep doing what we do and bring them along. Brilliant advice that man gives, smart he is!!
Okay so the tears are starting to spring and the snot is starting to run. Time to wrap this up.